he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
