I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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