Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
