i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
