By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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