My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
