Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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