Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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