I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
