they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
