i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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