I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
