She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
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I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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