worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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