I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
