Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
