Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
