Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
