Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
