He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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