Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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