There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
