you traded sex for a burrito?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
