know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize