I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
