I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
