So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
