Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
