guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
