It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
