Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
