It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize