If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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