This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
