...so i touched it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you never un-have a 4some
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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