Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
