you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
