i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize