u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
