Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
