I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
