I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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