I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
