he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
