first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
