Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
