the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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