I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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