yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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