so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
