I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
