you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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