"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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