he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
