eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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