Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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