yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
