I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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