whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who died my cat blue again?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
