i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wear drunk well.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
