Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
