she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
