Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
