eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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