it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
