I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
