Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
