Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need a sexual gate keeper
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
