So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
