do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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