Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
